What Happens to Reverend Toller?

September 2024 · 4 minute read

Paul Schrader is best known as the veteran screenwriter behind some of Martin Scorsese’s most beloved classics, such as Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and The Last Temptation of Christ. However, Schrader is also an accomplished director in his own right. His most notable directorial achievements include Light Sleeper, American Gigolo, Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters, and Affliction. However, Schrader's First Reformed might be his masterpiece.

First Reformed is a study of faith, guilt, and masculinity worthy of Scorsese himself. After countless years of being snubbed, Schrader finally received his first Academy Award nomination for Best Original Screenplay. The film debuted at the Venice International Film Festival in 2017, and was released in theaters over the summer of 2018 by A24.

Although it starts out as a straightforward drama, First Reformed quickly introduces surrealist concepts that make the film more open to interpretation. Schrader explores the challenges that people of faith face when justifying their belief amidst modern issues, such as terrorism and environmental collapse. The final moments of the film may seem confusing for first-time viewers.

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First Reformed follows the lonely priest Ernst Toller (Ethan Hawke), who is coping with the death of his son, Joseph. Toller had encouraged Joseph to enlist in the United States military, just as he had. Joseph was killed during the Iraq War. In the aftermath, Toller completely isolates himself. He spends all of his evenings binge-drinking alone, worrying about the implications of global warming, and begins to question the nature of his faith.

Still in his grief, Toller begins counseling Mary Mensana (Amanda Seyfried). Mary had first sought out Toller’s council after her husband, Michael (Philip Ettinger), began showing signs of potentially violent behavior. Michael is involved with a radical environmentalist movement, and planned to lead a series of explosive attacks at major corporations to protest against climate change. Michael had also ordered Mary to get an abortion, as he didn’t think it was responsible to bring a child into an over-populated world where the Earth was dying.

Toller meets with Michael and attempts to offer him counsel. Shortly thereafter, Michael’s body is found in the woods in an apparent suicide. As Toller helps Mary process her grief, he researches Michael’s movements, and begins obsessively watching videos of other radical environments. The ideas are slowly planted within his mind. In addition to his guilt regarding his son’s death, Toller grows depressed over climate change.

He also has his issues with Abundant Life, a nearby megachurch whose corporate ties Toller worries are preventing the church from doing any real good. During a group council session hosted by Abundant Life, Toller notices a young man who has turned to xenophobia and racism. Toller feels helpless to do anything. The only way he knows how to process his guilt is by torturing himself.

However, the one bright part of Toller’s life is getting to spend time with Mary. Mary is one of the few loyal attendees who comes to his service every week. Toller can’t fully allow himself to love another person, and in many ways, he has forgotten how. At least with Mary, he feels that giving her support is helping him make a positive impact in someone else’s life.

Toller's church, First Reformed, is celebrating its 250th-anniversary service, and while Toller’s sermons rarely attract more than a few attendees, there’s a large crowd expected to gather for the celebration. The attendees will include the mayor, the governor, and Toller’s superior, evangelical Affluent Life megachurch pastor Joel Jeffers (Cedric Kyles aka Cedric the Entertainer). Toller has warned Mary not to come to the anniversary celebration.

Toller has been preparing to detonate an explosive vest at the event, but when he sees Mary enter the church, he takes off the vest and instead, wraps himself in barbed wire. Toller has also poured himself a glass of drain cleaner, which he plans to drink, until Mary appears. As Toller’s former love interest, Esther (Victoria Hill), sings “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms” at the service, Toller and Mary embrace. They share a long kiss before the film suddenly stops.

When Toller sees Mary in these final moments, he realizes that it’s her love that he actually needs. He finally decides not to brutalize himself anymore when he takes off the barbed wire. The kiss he shares with Mary is the first time that he’s ever done something for himself; instead of healing through suffering, he’s doing it through love. Although it’s a film centered around the nature of faith, the concept of learning to love yourself is universal.

Schrader himself has only vaguely hinted at his own intentions with the scene. In a conversation with Sofia Coppola on A24’s official podcast, Schrader stated that the final moment has two potential explanations: “One, that a miracle has occurred, and his life is spared,” he said. “The other is equally, in my sense, optimistic, which is that he drinks the Drano, and he’s on all fours. He’s throwing up his stomach, and God comes over to him.”

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