The Big Picture
- A theory suggests that siblings strive to be unique by seeking attention and resources.
- Kim and Kourtney may be opposites due to birth order, as Kourtney often feels overshadowed by Kim.
- Kim and Kourtney's bitter rivalry is rooted in deep childhood wounds, sparking intense fights.
Anyone with sisters can understand the sibling rivalry often portrayed on the reality series, The Kardashians. Besides five complicated female personalities, the dynamic of sibling birth order is in full effect with Kris Kardashian's brood. Medpsyche.net breaks down psychologist Frank Sulloway's infamous theory on how birth order affects personality traits. “Sulloway’s niche differentiation theory of birth order effects suggests that successive children are most different from the sibling preceding them in an attempt to be unique, and obtain attention, resources. etc. From this perspective, personality is a strategy that shapes how you interact with the world around you,” shares Dr. Catherine Salmon, professor of psychology at the University of Redlands and co-author of The Secret Power of Middle Children. “Birth order differences are thus shaped by differences in parental investment and the effects of sibling competition.”
According to Sulloway's findings, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian would be the most opposite because of their birth order and being a mere year apart. In all the hype surrounding the Kardashian family, few realize that Kourtney and Kim are one year apart. When you add the star factor of Kim's fame and worldwide appeal, often eclipsing the entire family, but specifically her elder sister Kourtney, it's easy to see why these two are constantly at odds.
Kourtney Kardashian's Tantrums Signals Feelings of Being Overlooked
For Kourtney, to be relegated to her younger sister's shadow for the last three decades, or at least since the infamous Ray J flick, has to have been a pretty big emotional pill to swallow. Kourtney was the first to have children and to have a longstanding, albeit dysfunctional relationship, yet the spotlight has always been on her sister Kim. There has always been a bubbling undercurrent of sibling rivalry between the two, but as the Kardashian's left E! and relocated to Hulu, and Kourtney prepared for her high-profile wedding to rock star Travis Barker, their rivalry came to a painful head.
According to an article on Today.com, psychologists Avigail Lev, Aura de los Santos and Jameca Woody Cooper say the Kardashians' fight illustrates some truths about sisterly bonds, as Kourtney suggested on the show. Lev and Cooper say sibling fights can be much more "intense" than a disagreement you might have with a friend. Why? It comes down to shared history. “Feuds between sisters are different from those in a friendship and are much more intense,” Lev says, because they touch on "deeper wounds" found in childhood. "They address broader issues and patterns around scapegoating, the golden child, fairness, and cooperation," she continues. Kourtney addressed underlying dynamics in a tense phone call that started Season 4 of The Kardashians when she leveled with Kim and said, "It's not about the clothes." Rather, she was upset about unresolved issues surrounding her wedding and who gets to be the "center of attention," and when.
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The issues between Kim and Kourtney are much deeper than their superficial spats over who stole 'Italy' for their wedding, who worked with designer label Dolce & Gabana first, or even who stole opera singer Andrea Bocelli, whom Kim shared during a confessional, was her favorite male vocalist in the whole world. More than likely, their issues stem back to childhood and Kardashian fans are tired of playing the role of therapist, watching the sisters go back and forth, even taking it to the point of throwing hands like a 4 and 5-year-old in a sandbox.
Kim and Kourtney Kardashians Issues are Further Complicated by the Men In Their Lives
One of the biggest reasons fans are exhausted with Kim vs Kourtney is because the emotional tete de tete is always resolved on the surface with the sisters retreating to their corners until the next beef arises. Marrying Travis put Kourtney in the spotlight in a big way for the first time. Kim has had numerous famous exes, the most infamous of which is Kanye West, her children's father. The other Kardashian sisters parade a roster of famous guys in and out of the family compound, while Kourtney has, for the most part, remained low-key after a longstanding relationship with Scott Disick. For an A-list star to set his sights on the quieter, more laidback Kardashian was a big deal, and it worked to thrust Kourtney into the same spotlight that her sisters chase like moths to a flame.
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With her new relationship, headlines were focused on Kourtney and Travis exhibiting PDA out and about, Travis showering Kourtney with extravagance on holidays and fans preparing themselves for an over-the-top wedding that would place Kourtney on the level of her four infamous sisters, with Kim leading the charge. Kourtney started dressing more provocatively, even posing for a naked photo in honor of her lover. While audiences cheered Kourtney on, Kim seemed a bit irritated by the attention her older, but less fabulous sister was receiving. Kourtney was hurt by her sister's feedback suggesting Kim wasn't happy at her wedding because she wasn't the center of attention. Kourtney complained to Kendall on camera about Kim's coldness during her wedding. "She wasn't happy at my wedding. Everyone else was like, 'Whoa this is amazing. We're having the best time.' She can never give an acknowledgment like, 'Whoa is this amazing. She sees everything that I had there and takes it for her own, and she doesn't even see it. She sees it for the dollar signs, but to me I see it. And I see it like, 'Oh you were there you weren't happy.' Everyone said something to me, all my friends." Kourtney said. Kendall attempted to console Kourtney, but she refused to be consoled. "If I did it to Kim, she would freak out," she said smugly.
Kim spent her time angrily telling the confessional screen that her sister was stealing her wedding concepts. "She got married in Italy, I got married there. She stole the entire continent," she said matter-of-factly. She continued her rant, going down a list of everything Kourtney stole from her and while she did claim she was extremely happy for her sister, it didn't land as heartfelt. Recently, Kourtney has shared that she is going to pull away from her family a bit to find her happiness with her husband Travis, and their family. "I have a happy life. The happiness comes when I get the f*ck away from you guys, especially you. It's like you are just a f*cking witch, and I f*cking hate you," Kourtney spewed in a particularly acerbic response to her sister's needling during an episode of The Kardashians.
Kim and Kourtney Need to End Their Feud or Leave the Show
Kim didn't have another wedding scheduled, but she did manage to borrow some of her sister's allegedly stolen Italian theme for her SKIMS fashion show. Considering herself the fashionista of the US, Kim was insulted that Kourtney would assume she needed to pull from her sister's wedding for her own fashion line theme. Kourtney remained convinced Kim was determined to steal her shine. The dispute went back and forth over the past two seasons, ending in a feud on who planned the better Christmas Eve party. Audiences shook their heads assuming the ladies were engaging in "rich people problems", but the Kardashian sisters were as serious as could be about the rivalry.
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At the bottom of the feud is an older sister who feels unseen by her older sister. Kourtney's claims that Kim doesn't care about anything besides fame or money could prove just as relevant as Kim's claims that Kourtney is jealous of her success. Kim and Kourtney would benefit from a sit-down session with Iyanla Vanzant on why their sibling relationship is so volatile, but if Iyanla doesn't have time or wherewithal, a candid conversation with their mother Kris, sans the cameras could be the beginning to healing. Because Kris's position as 'momager' focuses on her daughter's public fortunes, it's easy to assume Kourtney could be longing for validation from her mother as firstborn in addition to the rest of her sisters. The public is infatuated with Kim and now Kylie and Kris's attention goes where the dollars flow. This could be the root cause of Kourtney's pain, in addition to feeling left behind in her sister's whirlwind version of fame and fortune.
Being married to Travis Barker and as part of the Kardashian clan makes keeping a low profile virtually impossible. As much as Kourtney may want to avoid her family and more specifically, her sister's spotlight, it's unlikely she will be able to do that any time shortly. The Kardashians enjoy doing everything with a camera in tow, so maybe it's time for the two eldest Kardashian sisters to get some much-needed therapy. A therapy session could be great content for the show, but with as much damage as has happened between the sisters, it may be worth an entire season titled, Kim and Kourtney Go to Therapy. If they took the sessions seriously, it could help feuding sisters all over the country make peace, at least for a little while.
The Kardashians can be streamed on Hulu.
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