Mutual masturbation is one of the most common, sexy time activities I suggest to the women I work with. This idea usually shocks them. After all, most people think of masturbation as something you do only on your own. I’m here to tell you that simply isn’t true.

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Masturbation is a fabulous solo activity — it’s one of my self-care go-tos. For many, it remains a solo act because you don’t want anyone to see how you masturbate or think it’s something people only do alone, to tide them over or as a tool to deal with differing sex drives in your relationship. So why try what can be an intimidating and vulnerable activity? Is it really worth revealing that you hump a pillow or twist your body just so or make silly faces? Absofrickinglutely!

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1. It’s super intimate

Mutual masturbation is more intimate than “regular” sex (a.k.a. vaginal intercourse). Not only does it require the same vulnerability as sex but you’re also sharing something that before now has been just for you. Plus, it’s harder to lose yourself in the moment when your unique self-pleasure practices are on display.

Here’s the thing though: Intimacy and vulnerability are inextricably linked. You cannot have the former without the latter. That means since mutual masturbation can feel vulnerable, it also will connect you and your sweetie on an ever deeper level. No matter how long you’ve been together, you want that for sure!

2. It’s hot AF

If you’ve watched porn or read erotica while masturbating, you know what I’m talking about. Except mutual masturbation is even sexier. That’s because it’s IRL and just for you. Watching the person you love and are ridiculously attracted to bring themselves pleasure is the ultimate visual treat.

3. It reveals your technique

Most people climax when they masturbate, even if you struggle otherwise. It’s one of the most popular reasons people touch themselves! Mutual masturbation is you and your partner’s chance to see exactly how that happens for each of you. Feel like you can never get your honey there with [insert sexy time act here], even with instructions? Pay attention!

4. It’ll inspire endless fantasies for later solo self-pleasure sessions

And you can never have too many of those.

5. It’s faster than intercourse

Let’s say you’re in the mood, but it’s already midnight, and one or both of you need to wake up in fewer hours than you care to admit. You want to get it on but legit don’t have the time or energy. The struggle is real. Mutual masturbation to the rescue! Kiss a little throughout, lend a hand and 10 minutes later, you’ll both be blissfully headed to orgasm-induced dreamland.

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6. Health benefits galore

Sex, masturbation and orgasm have tons of health benefits. That means mutual masturbation does too! Since masturbation, solo or mutual, is more likely to lead to orgasm, you reap the extra benefits like:

• Lower stress
• Better sleep
• Clearer skin
• Happier mood

How to get started

The mechanics, if you will — vary a lot, both from couple to couple and from experience to experience. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Kiss each other in the beginning to get you going.
• Kiss throughout to make the experience hotter.
• Lend a hand. Stroke, scratch, slap, squeeze, pinch and grab each other while you stimulate yourself.
• Take turns watching each other.
• As for positioning, lie side by side, face each other or get into any other position that’s comfortable to you and similar to how you’d normally masturbate.

It’s OK to feel nervous

Maybe you think your masturbating habit is weird or you feel embarrassed, ashamed or plain afraid to share that with your honey. I promise you it’s not — and if you need more proof, read this. You worry:

• OMG what will they think?!
• I must look so weird!
• No one else masturbates like this!
• I just… can’t!

I totally get it. I understand and have made it to the other side of this very fear, and I’m here to lovingly crack the whip and tell you to lean into the fears and try it anyway, girlfriend. By try it, I don’t mean give it one go and give up because it didn’t work or you felt too self-conscious. Nope! That’s going to happen anyway since it always does when you try something new.

I mean try, try and try again. New things always take three or four tries before you can sink into the pleasure and let go of the awkward — or decide it really isn’t for you. Once you do, I promise you’ll become a mutual masturbation advocate too!

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